Tonight, apparently, is Pop Music Night with Gwen Stefani. Good enough.
Here is No Doubt’s first (and maybe best) hit, Don’t Speak:
I was in middle school when “Tragic Kingdom” was released. I feel old.
– Seacrest starts us off by explaining the rules. Songs by No Doubt…and anyone who inspired them. Weird…but as long as we get good songs, it’s fine with me.
– Yes…Gwen is beyond hot. And she’s been beyond hot for a decade.
– LaKisha starts us with “Last Dance.” So Donna Summer inspired No Doubt? Isn’t that like saying Elton John inspired Ludacris? Ah well. Kinda pitchy, but still a lot of fun. She’s really working on her stage presence. I changed my mind…I really liked it. Rough beginning, but she brought it home. Judges gush. As they should.
– Seacrest and Chris Griffin chat in the Sponsored Cola Lounge. He’s looking more and more like John Popper.
– I was looking for a Blues Traveler song and stumbled upon an amazing video…FLAVOR FLAV!!!!!!
– Back to the competition…Chris takes a stab at “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic,” by the Police. Felt very lounge lizard-y. Cruiseline performance. Voice crack at the end didn’t help. Like Gwen said, he was ahead of the music, according to the judges. See-moan thought it was a mess. Odd discussion of music theory. I hope this isn’t it for him…
– Gina the Good Witch is emotional over meeting Gwen. She picks a great song for her, The Pretenders’ “I’ll Stand By You.” The rocker showing her soft side with a statement song…I dig it! Strong, strong, strong performance from Gina tonight. Maybe her most controlled…and the audience loved it. Randy likes her boots…and thought it was one of her best. Great minds! Paula gushed, calling it her best. See-moan teases Gina: “Gina, it wasn’t one of your best performances…(BOOOOO)…it was your BEST performance.”
As a public service, here’s the original, featuring one of the all-time great female vocals:
– Seriously, that was a star-making performance.
– Before we go to break, Seacrest tells us we’ve Queen Sanjaya and Haley up next. Must be the “Clearance Sale – Everything Must Go!” segment?
– The Queen shows some cajones by singing “Backwater,” a more obscure No Doubt song…but he forgets the words when singing it for Gwen! Hahahahaha!!!! His hair is a mess, looking like a Greek soldier’s helmet. Seriously. And then he kind of mumbles through the song…I think he forgot a few words! This is great TV! Randy says Sanjaya can sing, but he doesn’t show it. Paula agrees he isn’t living up to his potential. Sanjaya tries to insult See-moan’s hair. See-moan: “You are in your own universe.” I don’t ever want to see him on my screen ever again.
– Hot Haley crumbles in front of Gwen while singing “True Colors.” Cyndi Lauper represent! She’s still wicked hot…but she took a major step back with this dull performance. Randy: “It was just kind of alright.” Yeah…that’s about right. See-moan: “It was sweet but forgettable.” Exactly.
– Phil chats with Seacrest in the Sponsored Cola Lounge.
– More Police songs…Phil chose “Every Breath You Take.” Good song for him. Should play to his strengths. He starts breathy, which is good. Builds so he can show his big ol’ voice towards the end. Really terrific job. Randy agrees…and says he’s got a “big ol’ voice.” Great minds. Paula says his strength is in the choruses. Duh. See-moan was a fan. Should keep Phil around a few more weeks.
– Time for Melinda! She picked “Heaven Knows.” Hmm…two Police songs, two Donna Summer songs. Interesting, is all I’m sayin’. As always, Melinda is on another level, and not the way Queen Sanjaya is. She’s a professional singer who did an outstanding job. Randy called it “THE BOMB!” Paula heaps on the praise. See-moan was right, saying she was outstanding (great minds), but that this wouldn’t be her signature performance.
– Beatbox Blake and Gwen…interesting match. Again, he proves to be among the best song-selectors in the bunch, choosing “Love Song” by The Cure. His version sounded a bit more like the semi-recent 311 cover…a little more tropical. Not his best vocal, but really, really good. Is it just me, or does he look like Zack Morris tonight? How about now? Randy liked it, didn’t love it. Paula, of course, loved it. She called it original tonight. Umm…didn’t I JUST say it was like 311’s version? See-moan calls Blake the strongest male competitor. No argument here. He compared Blake to Chris Daughtry. Calm down, now.
– Rising Jordin takes on “Hey Baby,” from No Doubt’s dancehall period. See, if you’re going to choose a song by the “teacher,” choose a GOOD one! She’s bigger than the song, though. It’s not a challenging song and she ended up looking kind of awkward up there. She’s amazingly talented, but this one didn’t work for me. Randy says Jordin would be a great recording artist. I agree. See-moan wasn’t a huge fan of the performance. I agree.
– Chris Timberlake closes the show with ANOTHER No Doubt song. Whoa…”Don’t Speak.” I said Queen Sanjaya had cajones for trying a Gwen song…but choosing he greatest and more personal hit song….THAT takes grapefruits! Hahaha…Gwen said Chris “likes to do this vocal Olympics thing!” Priceless. Let me translate: “I won awards with this song and it launched my career. Don’t suck, kid.” The band takes a jazzy/R&B twist on it. Fresh version…I kind of dig it. But remember when the judges didn’t want the contestants to mess with the classics? This song is one of the classics of my generation. So don’t mess with it! Hmmm…Randy liked that twist. Paula loved it. See-moan liked the arrangement, but not the vocal.
– Seacrest tries to stir the pot between Blake and Chris. Jerk.
– Most Valuable Performer: Kind of middle-of-the-road week. I’ll give the nod to Melinda, with Gina and Phil sharing second place.
– On the chopping block: Haley and the Queen. My guess is that Haley goes home.
I was on a business trip on Wednesday night, so I apologize for being late with this. Forgive me this transgression, k? I know the result, but it’s life all about the journey?
– As Seacrest welcomes us, you can see who’s nervous and who isn’t.
– We get a recap of last night. Seriously, the results show can be 30 seconds long.
– Peter Noone performs.
– The Idols’ Sponsored Vehicle Song is a butchering of “Another Saturday Night.”
– Brad Garrett is sitting in with the contestants. America voted…and he’s gone. I like ‘Til Death, though.
Results:
Phil, Melinda, Blake stand together. ALL are safe! Wow…I thought Phil was going home.
Chris Griffin, LaKisha and Jordin stand together. ALL are safe! Whew!
Queen Sanjaya, Hot Haley and Gina the Good Witch all stand. They are all safe. More Queen Sanjaya? Ugh…
Chris Timberlake and Stephanie are the bottom two? What the hell? These two are better than many other contestants still alive.
– Meaningless Trivia Segment. Followed by the charitable fund segment. I kind of like the show flexing some muscle to help the world.
– LuLu performs.
– Steph and Chris are centerstage for the results. And Stephanie goes home. She got a raw deal…so did Chris for being in the Bottom 2.
– Random Thought: Who was the other member of the Bottom 3? Think they don’t want us to know? It’s a conspiracy!!!!
Ahh well…it is what it is. The fat is being trimmed until the Melinda-LaKisha-Jordin showdown at the end.
After that dud of a show, I need to smile. Here’s Erica Durance stripping on Smallville! That’ll do!
Last night was Diana Ross Night…and tonight someone goes home!
I think the three most vulnerable are Queen Sanjaya, Haley and Brandon. And let’s see what happens.
– Seacrest welcomes us at the Top 12 are lined up “Usual Suspects” style.
– We recap last night’s performances, including the awesome, awesome banter between Seacrest and See-moan. I don’t care what anyone says, Blake was great. And can we all agree that Queen Sanjaya was terrible?
– Time for the usual tribute to the guest teacher. It’s going great until the Queen opens his mouth. The guys are overall pretty good. I’m starting to get off the Chris Griffin bandwagon. Still got nothing but love for him, but its toned down a bit. The ladies are also quite good. Jordin looks more relaxed and she sounds better for it.
– The “Fox Cast in the Crowd” shots are starting to get really annoying.
– Kitiwiti – Yes, Blog Hero Rick Astley as a guest judge would be amazing!! I think George Martin’s son who did the “Love” album is MUCH more likely. Why not do a U2 night? I think them, REM, Pearl Jam, Hootie and the Blowfish, Melissa Etheridge are all ripe for the picking. Any other suggestions?
– All this talk of Rick Astley has a song running through my head…I don’t think I’ve posted this version, either!
– Oh man…the lame Sponsored Vehicle Commercials are back. This time, they butcher Modest Mouse’s “Float On.”
– Time to name the Bottom 3.
– Safe: LaKisha, Gina, Jordin, Chris Timberlake, Melinda, Chris Griffin, Stephanie, Blake…
– Bottom 3: Brandon, Phil (WHAT??????)…
– And we take a break, with Queen Sanjaya and Haley hanging in the balance.
– Analysis so far…Brandon belongs in the Bottom 3, but should stick around. Phil is a shock. He’s one of the top guys, vocally. I can’t believe one of the two worst from last night will be sticking around…
– Hey, let’s do a Trivia Question! When you’re the top dog, you need to keep feeding the beast.
– Diana Ross does “More Today Than Yesterday,” which, coincidentally, she recorded on her…get this…brand new album currently in stores!! Whoda thunk?? She’s music royalty. Wait, she’s on TOUR! Info on her website! I’m shocked that it all just happened to work out so perfectly!!!
– OK back to the results.
– Bottom 3: Brandon, Phil, and Queen Sanjaya (YESSS!!!!)
– Whew…Phil is safe!
– 28 million votes.
– America has decided that…holy shit…Queen Sanjaya is SAFE! Brandon is going home.
A long weekend in Florida (featuring quality beach time, lots of good food, and watching the Orioles demolish the Sawx and Matsuzaka.) was just what the doctor ordered. What’s a better welcome home than the Top 12? So let’s get rolling.
– Re-cap of the Idol success-stories, including this guy who didn’t win:
– Funny…Reuben, Clay, Hicks, McPhee, Bo and some of the others aren’t even shown. Interesting…
– We’re in the big, grown-up studio now. Bigger stage, bigger crowd, cooler doors. Three months of insanity to go.
– Rickey Minor’s house band is souped-up, too. Cool!
– Seacrest introduces the Top 12 as they walk onto the stage, even more obviously worked-on by the stylists.
– Of course, the judges are in the house…and See-moan gets a great ovation! See-moan: “This stage changes everything.” Word up.
– Ahhh…tonight, we are celebrating the music of Diana Ross, both with the Supremes and solo. Nice, but the guys are going to struggle mightily. She has 80 Top-10 hits…wow…I had no idea.
– Not familiar with Diana Ross? Well, something is wrong with you! But, I’ll help you out:
This…this might be one of the greatest pieces of video EVER:
– OK, back to the show. Diana works with all the Top 12 individually. And gives them hugs.
– Brandon is the first on the big stage. He does one of my favorites, “You Can’t Hurry Love.” I don’t like his voice, but I’ll admit he was decent. Did his voice crack in the middle? Wait…HE FORGOT THE WORDS! WHAT THE HELL?? HE IS A PROFESSIONAL SINGER!!! Paula, of course, wants to focus on the positives, while Randy and See-moan keep it real. See-moan tears into him. Damn. Well, if you forget the words, you pay the price.
– Seacrest and Melinda chit-chat and answer questions in the Sponsored Cola Lounge about how much she doesn’t like high-heels. Seacrest tries to make a prissy-See-moan joke, which See-moan volleys back into a Seacrest-is-short joke, which Seacrest weakly turns into a stop-stalking-me moment that See-moan OWNS!! Seacrest: “Stay out of my closet.” See-moan: “Come out!” BURN!!
– Melinda performs “Home,” from The Wiz. It’s Melinda, she rocked. She’s a throwback to another time in all the good ways. She gets a standing ovation and she tries not to cry. Paula cries, though. See-moan gets the giggles…and compares Melinda to Gladys Knight. Damn. Paula tells Melinda she had an out of body experience.
– Chris Griffin gives “Endless Love” a shot. He gives it a modern twist. All in all, it’s not bad. The big problem is that he had to follow Melinda, who owned the stage. Chris didn’t, but it was still good. I was thinking it sounded like Coldplay…and Randy just said it. I’m in sync with the Top Dawg tonight! Judges didn’t like the new arrangement at all. Here’s the thing…they tell everyone to be different and then didn’t like it when he was.
– Time for Gina the Good Witch. “Love Child.” Gina is definitely on the rise on my personal list, but this didn’t do it for me. Gina’s a rocker. Let her make a record a la Patty Smith or Pat Benatar or Amy Lee and she’ll do you right. Upbeat pop isn’t for her.
– Queen Sanjaya got lots of advice from Diana…who liked his spirit, but had a lot of advice for him. “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.” Holy crap…he electrocuted himself! Wait–that’s just hairspray. It was a kind of soul-less performance. I think he is too young to sing that song, honestly. I didn’t believe that he would cross mountains, rivers, etc, to get to someone. Randy laughs it off. Randy: “Dude, it wasn’t very good….it was almost unlistenable for me.” DAWG POUND REPRESENT!!!! Basically, the judges rep him to shreds. GET HIM OFF MY TV!!!
– Haley and Seacrest answer questions in the Sponsored Cola Lounge. Yippee. She goes for “Missing You.” Diana says she has a “recording studio voice” instead of a live voice. The song was written after Marvin Gaye’s death. Interesting tidbit. Anyone else think Haley is trying to look like McPhee? Well, she looks hot, but again, her performance is very forgettable. Whoa…she forgot the words, too! Yikes. That’s two in one night in the Top 12…that’s bad. Judges tell her to keep holding it together. She’s going to cry and maybe lose her dinner when she goes off stage. Haley’s showing a ton of cleavage tonight…
– By the way…Blades of Glory looks like one of the funniest stupid comedy movies in a LONG time.
– Seacrest interviews his grandma. Awwww.
– Phil’s “I’m Gonna Make You Love Me” is perhaps his most complete performance of the competition, as he continues to grow each week. Terrific job on the high note at the end. The judges loved the vocals. They debate the tempo. See-moan warns him against shouting.
– Back from break for LaKisha. This should be the main event. She’s rolling with Billie Holliday’s “G-d Bless the Child.” Cool. Diana gives her style tips…and they discuss micstands. Interesting. Also interesting is her new nickname, KiKi. Again, KiKi delivers a show-stopping performance. Not my favorite of hers and I rank it just below Melinda’s tonight, but it was damn good. She’s really something. Randy: “That was sensational.” See-moan: “You’ve got it.” He puts KiKi and Melinda above all the others tonight. Duh.
– Beatbox Blake and Secrest answer viewer questions in the Sponsored Cola Lounge.
– In a cool bit, Blake explains how he uses his computer to bring new beats to “You Keep Me Hanging On.” It’s an out-there electronic version…a dancehall remix. Most original of the night. I like the funky beat…I don’t think Blake’s a GREAT singer, but he has a future as a producer. Paula liked the remix more than Chris’. See-moan didn’t like it.
– It’s a “Love Hangover” with Stephanie. Stephanie is good, for sure, but this didn’t do it for me. Weird night. Melinda and LaKisha were spot-on and everyone else was somewhere behind. She also had lyrical issues. That’s THREE people. Yeesh. See-moan criticized her song selection…and pointed out that she’s, at best, #3.
– Next is Chris Timberlake with “The Boss.” Not his best. Kind of pitchy. Here’s the thing. The battle is on between Melinda and LaKisha, with Stephanie and Phil as the closest behind. Everything else is just entertainment gravy. And this was middle of the road. Paula says he brought the old to the new better than anyone else tonight. See-moan hated it.
– We wrap things up with Jordin and “If We Hold On Together.” Seacrest reminds us the song was featured in “The Land Before Time.” GREAT movie. Yeah, I said it! Gotta show some love to Littlefoot.
– Back to Jordin, she’s really good…looks more grown-up this week. She’s 17. The difference between her and the other 17 year old, Queen Sanjaya, is startling. Jordin forced herself back into the discussion this week. Great performance! Whoa. Randy just said that it’s now a 3-girl race! Umm…what did I just say? I’m money, what can I say? Not as money as Jordin, though. She was stellar.
Very interesting show, tonight. Diana Ross provided insight and some of the best guidance we’ve seen on the show. It’s time for the Queen to go. Watch out, Brandon and Haley.
Most Valuable Performer: Melinda. LaKisha, Phil and Jordin had great nights, too.
Question: After a down night for the guys, can the ladies rise above?
Answer: Ummm…it would be insanely difficult for them to do anything else!
– Paula is missing at the top of the show for some reason. Like we used to say in elementary school, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
– Seacrest introduces the girls and pimps the big revelation tomorrow. OK.
– Paula made it out of the bathroom in time and has a dorky, sheepish grin. See-moan says she was “under the desk.” Randy explains, “she was getting something for me.” Seacrest wants no part of that, thankfully.
– Jordin is a big football fan. Wanted to play, but chose to sing. She sings “Heartbreaker” by the underrated Pat Benatar. Here’s the thing…Pat’s voice is powerful and unique. Jordin’s isn’t…she has a good voice, don’t get me wrong. But having a “good” voice sing a song originally done by an “excellent” voice makes it seem small. Randy liked it more than anything the guys did last night. Paula praised her energy. See-moan is less excited than the others.
-For comparison, here’s the original (performed live…apples to apples, my friend):
– Seacrest is in the Sponsored Cola Lounge. Carrie Underwood is on the results show.
– Yep. THAT Carrie Underwood.
– We see high school video of Sabrina. She gives, in my opinion, her best performance of the season, with a TIGHT version of En Vogue’s “Don’t Let Go.” Rock on, 90s R&B! Awesome song, great song for her. Randy disagrees with me. He’s allowed. Maybe I just love the song so much that I excused some things. It happens. Paula gushes and See-moan wasn’t a fan of the performance. We disagree sometimes, me and the judges.
– Want to have the song stuck in your head for a good week?
– There ya go.
– Ugh…Skankilicious gave up her violin in college. Umm…stop letting people in the bathroom when you pee and you’ll find a whole world of free time! If you’re struggling on American Idol, it might not be the best idea to sing a song that was nominated for a bazillion Grammys, like Corinne Bailey Rae‘s “Put Your Records On.” It was awful, but got less awful as it went on. Her best to date, which isn’t a compliment. Randy thinks she’s an underachiever. Paula and Randy thought it was the right song for her. See-moan tells her she’s gone as far as she can go. Burn. He then compliments her for handling herself well in the media. It’s her own fault, man. See-moan: “I just wish you could sing better.” Double Burn.
– Haley gives a forgettable performance of a Faith Hill track, “If My Heart Had Wings.” Here’s my take on Haley. She is the best singer in your high school. She’s the best singer to come out of your hometown in decades. She’s the best singer at your local open mic/karaoke night. But that doesn’t mean she should be a professional singer. Randy: “It had no pizzazz to it…no like…YO.” See-moan: “I thought it was like some terrible, ghastly high school musical performance.” We’re on the same page, me and See-moan! He admits he doesn’t know her name. Neither do I.
– Classy Stephanie does justice to Mary J’s “Sweet Thing.” Word. Mary J. is like Stevie Wonder on my Cardinal Sin scale, but not quite up there. Randy agrees. Don’t do Mary J. if you can’t blow it out! See-moan thinks we’ll see her next week.
– Time for LaKisha! I get chills when she sings. She is THAT good. She is the exception to the Cardinal Sins, by ROCKING Whitney Houston’s “I Have Nothing.” This woman can flat out sing. She’s got stage presence, a booming voice, the right amount of attitude…everything. She is everything RIGHT about American Idol. Randy says it wasn’t her best, but it was still great. Paula says she could be the next Idol. See-moan, style expert, compliments her outfit. Odd, but cool.
– Seacrest is chilling in the Sponsored Cola Lounge.
– I didn’t like Gina the Witch at first because she didn’t like my girl Perla. But Gina is growing on me. Interesting song choice, as she does a more upbeat version of Evanescence’s “You Don’t Call Me When You’re Sober.” Seriously, she was channeling Alanis on “You Oughta Know”
Check it out:
– Back to Gina…she is now officially Gina the Good Witch. I liked this. A little pitchy for me, but I liked it. Randy liked it for the same reasons I did. That’s it, dawg! See-moan calls her a breath of fresh air. Cool.
– We wrap up the show with Melinda! She explains her mild OCD. She owns the theater with her version of Peggy Lee’s “I’m A Woman.” Nice way to separate herself from the Antonella’s of the world. Not her BEST for me. Randy called it the hottest of the night and wants to bring her in a studio NOW. See-moan calls her “a little tiger.” It’s very cool to see her evolve right before our eyes.
Most Valuable Performer: LaKisha, of course. Sabrina and Gina rose BIG TIME tonight. Melinda was solid, as always, and Stephanie is a quiet contender. It’s going to end up being LaKisha, Melinda and Gina at the end. I mean for the grand prize…not just for the last female. They are the top 3 overall. (I know I was down on Gina…I’m eating crow now, OK??)
The night was as strong for the ladies as last night was weak for the guys.
Thanks for reading! Spread the word! Results only on the recap tomorrow…sorry, but I’m seeing The Who in DC then flying to Florida for Spring Training. Jealous??
And then there were 16…tonight we have the final 8 guys. Six will advance, two will go home. Let’s figure out who goes where! Thankfully, it’s a one-hour show tonight.
– The guys look slightly more styled tonight.
– Randy D. Jackson is wearing a shirt with his name on it. Represent, dawg…represent.
– Seacrest pimps a major event in Idol history.
– First up is Beatbox Blake! He does a funky remix of 311‘s “All Mixed Up.” Good mid-90s song keeps Blake among the most modern contestants. Not his best, but a fun way to start the show. Strangely, the judges had no clue what the song was. Weird. 311 is NOT an obscure band in the least. Are the judges showing thir age? Do we have a generation gap on American Idol??
– Sundance and Queen Sanjaya are in the Spnosored Cola Lounge. Seriously…he, is a hula dancer. Sanjaya, not Sundance.
– And the Queen keeps it modern with John Mayer‘s “Waiting on the World to Change.” He’s waiting on his voice to change! ZING!!!! I pray for his voice to change during the song…or just go silent. This sounded like an elementary school talent show performance. The judges all pan him. Listen…when Paula struggles to say something nice, you’ve gotta go. See-moan compares Sanajaya’s new haircut to something Paula would sport.
– Off a strong performance last week, Sundance takes a step back. His version of The Mighty Pearl Jam‘s “Jeremy” was screechy and middle-of-the-road. And the judges all agree with me.
– Travis Tritt joins us to pimp his new Randy Jackson-produced album. Gotta love cross-promotion.
– Chesapeake, VA‘s own Chris Timberlake goes country with a Keith Urban diddy. Didn’t do much for me (but I’m not a big country fan). Chris is good, but it didn’t show in this performance. Not a great night for the dudes, so far. Randy and Paula liked it more than I did. Mom and See-moan called it “nasally.” Not bad, but not his best. Seems to be a trend tonight…
– Jarrod wipes his face again in the Sponsored Cola Lounge. He was D-II college basketball player. Apparently, he was good. I haven’t been impressed with him thus far. He commits Cardinal Sin #1 by trying a Stevie Wonder song. How many times do I have to say hpw dumb a move that is??? In truth, it was my favorite performance of his to date, but still doesn’t make it a smart move. Solid, but unspectacular. See-moan calls it unoriginal.
– Hmmmm…a little research shows that Elliot Yamin did that same song last season…and much better!
– Brandon and Phil relax in the Sponsored Cola Lounge.
– Turning back the clock, Brandon does a good job on “Celebrate” by Rare Earth. Funky! I dig.
– Here’s Rare Earth’s biggest hit, “Get Ready”
– Randy called it solid. Paula loved it. See-moan calls him “Travis.” And panned him. I thought it was one of the better ones tonight, but that really isn’t saying much…
– Phil commits the SECOND Cardinal Sin Violation of the evening, crossing the gender barrier for LEEANN RIMES!??!!??! Phil’s worst performance of the competition. I like him, but that could send him home. The judges all ridicule the song choice. Randy name-drops Steve Perry…from…JOURNEY! I’ve given you enough Journey clips recently…here’s a Steve Perry solo song!
– Ahhh…Chris Griffin! Don’t let me down, buddy! He goes for another obscure song that I can’t find. But it’s the best of the night, by far. Chris has the charisma it takes to be entertaining. He’s probably the most “Real world” of the guys, vocally…and may be quirky enough to catch fire. Judges all want him to be better. Chris makes Seacrest hug him. OK.
Most Valuable Performer: Queen Sanajaya. JUST KIDDING!!! Chris Griffin, for sure. Beatbox Blake #2.
Thanks for reading! Ladies tomorrow! Spread the word!
Overall, Week Two was better than Week One, even though LaKisha turned in the best performance the first go-round. Four more wannabes go home tonight. Plus, Kellie Pickler! Oh, man is that dress trashy! She looks like she should have slid down a pole!
– Seacrest reminds us that WE voted. Right. That’s how it works.
– GREAT reaction from Seacrest and the crowd when he mentions Pickler’s appearance. A few polite claps. Basically, imagine a day of college presentations…and the weak round of “oh, you’re done, woo” applause. Yeah.
– Your Top 20 sing “Joy to the World.” Guys are on stage, dolls sing from the Sponsored Cola Lounge. Then they switch. This feels like an after-school special. Not as inspirational “world” song:
– Time for Demolition! (Which reminds me…more classic WWF/WWE themes coming soon!)
– Phil is safe. Chris Griffin is safe (YES!!!!!!!). Sundance is safe. Beatbox Blake is safe (YES!!!!!!!!!!). Jarod is safe (ugh). Nick goes home. He was pretty decent…no huge loss. He doesn’t seem all that upset.
– Mini-rant time: I get the fact that they get one last performance before leaving the show. But why the hell are they forced to sing the song that got them kicked off the show? If America didn’t like it two days ago, they aren’t going to like it tonight!!! I’m done.
– Let’s get rid of a lady.
– Stephanie is safe. Gina the Witch (although I’m softening on her) is safe. Sabrina is safe. Melinda is safe (YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Alaina is going home. She was awful last night. She cries and the other girls cry. She tries to sing the Dixie Chicks again. I cry. Seriously, she can’t sing the song, so the ladies come and hug her. This is painful.
– Seacrest announces some silly trivia contest. Holy mother loving jeebus! Last week’s winner is…ummm…let’s just say I wouldn’t let my (unconceived…that I know of!) children hang with him.
– Oh great, it’s time for Kellie Pickler…who chopped off her hair, got work done on her face, shows a ton and a half of cleavage. She and Seacrest do a really bad comedy bit.
– Seriously, she looks 25 years older than she really is. Don’t like her song, but I guess I’m not her target audience. Maybe last week’s trivia winner is more up her alley…
– Guys Demolition #2
– Chris Timberlake is safe. Brandon is safe. The Phenomenal AJ and Sanjaya are the final two remaining. AJ was good. Sanjaya was terrible. WHAT??????????? Sanjaya is safe???????????? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH AMERICA??????????
– Listen, AJ wasn’t the best, but Sanjaya is the worst! Paula: “This is a singing competition and I don’t think tonight reflects that.” ZING! Randy isn’t happy, either.
– The Phenomenal AJ is classy in defeat and does a great repeat of his performance. See my above rant. This is an exception.
– For everyone wondering why I call AJ “The Phenomenal AJ,” it’s a nickname of AJ Style…this guy:
– Seriously…this is a miscarriage of justice.
– And the final cut of the evening…
– LaKisha is safe (YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!). Haley is safe.
– Antonella, Leslie and Jordin are the final three. Skankilicious is SAFE??????? What the hell???????
– Leslie is going home. She was really starting to grow on me. Read what I wrote last night!
– OK…how the hell can Skankilicious be safe AGAIN??????
– Three people I really liked got cut in WEEK TWO???
– My thoughts on Skankilicious are well-documented and the fact that she’s safe while talented, classy people go home is completely wrong.
Thanks for reading…let’s try not to blow it next week, OK?
Because You Need A Laugh 
