Some business up top…in case you missed it, Tuesday was the 41st birthday of current blog hero Rick Astley! If only he and Alannah Myles reproduced…oh man…that would be the most underrated one-and-a-half hit wonder baby in history!
Guess we aren’t totally done with the audition shows, even though there are no new contestants lined up. Tonight’s time-filling clip show should be an entertaining hour of TV, to say the least.
– We start with Seacrest pimping the Hollywood rounds that beginnext week.
– Looks like we’ll get some good and bad ones that didn’t make it into the 7 city recaps. Sounds good enough.
– The theme is auditioning lessons. Lesson Uno: The Look!
– Two guys wear shirts with old school pics of Randy Jackson, in his Journey days. Let’s show his old band some love:
And because I love you, here’s a video they did with Randy actually in the group. Enjoy:
– Yikes…we have a chunky stripper nun!
– Christa shakes her moneymaker and has some wretched style. See-moan: “Today you felt like the inside of a dustbin?” No, but we DO have an inside-the-dustbin expert on hand!
– Naturally, Christa SOUNDS like the inside of a dustbin. (She sucks, get it?) Christa: “Can I do something else?” See-moan: “Juggle.” Awesome! Paula likes her shoes. Likes them enough to want to send her through. Thankfully, See-moan and Journey stand strong.
– Lesson Dos – Seek Inspiration
– Guh…the crazy Taylor Hicks-lookalike hair stylist. Really, when they are so bad that I remember their occupation, that means I don’t want to see them on my TV anymore.
– HAHAHA They show half of the Alien and Farley duo–thankfully, the Farley one. The Mac and Me guy was FREAKY. I wonder if he lives in a van down by the river?? Hmmm….
– Paul, an Asian-American guy, tried out to prove not all Asian-Americans are like this guy. And damn, he can sing. Paula get’s all googly-eyed. And entire ethnic group is redeemed, or something like that.
– Jack covers Bo Bice’s cover of a song I don’t know. He can stop now. See-moan calls him “deluded.”
– Lesson Tres – Never Give Up (basically, all the former rejects who returned)
-Aww, that guy actually thinks the judges will remember him. See what See-moan called Jack above. It applies here, too.
– Wait…never give up…sounds kind of like:
– Gina, a Season 5 reject, still has a crush on See-moan. I kind of remember her.
– HOLY CRAP!!! She sings “Black Velvet!” What a night tonight! She gets 5 yeses. Three from the judges, one from me, and one from this dude:
– A montage of See-moan lovers. And people who hate on Randy. But everyone loves Paula.
– Edward Sanchez (who can’t sing, by the way) remembers classic Paula. I do, too:
– And we look at everyone’s jobs. We have video of pre-Idol Ace, Daughtry and Pickler.
– Umm…Frisco’s Car Hop, three cute girls on roller skates, begin Lesson Cuatro – Audition On Your Own
– RollerGirl 1: “I have decided to try out for American Idol because I’ve just always loved performing and stuff. So I was like ‘Hey, American Idol.’ Umm…I’m American.”
– Heather does an average version of the Rascal Flatts, Ashley does an average version of Sarah MacLachlan, and Ebony does an above-average version of Whitney Houston. Ebony and Ashley go through and leave Heather behind. Paula gives make-up advice to Ashley, who thanks Paula for the “motherly advice.” Paula dies.
– Seacrest announces a song-writing contest. Sure.
– We see some people butcher their own songs.
– Wes is wearing a shiny, yellow shirt. Is he a shiny, happy person? He is finishing an album. So…umm…why are you trying out, dude? Yikes, he really can’t sing. But I kind of like the song.
– Lesson Cinco – Shake Your Moneymaker?
– Bad, bad dancing from the season-to-date. Plus some trashy skanks. And Seacrest. Aww, crap…they show us Mac and Me!
– Holy crap!!!! They show the “Opposites Attract” video I have above. I SWEAR I posted the video before watching this part!!!! Let’s face the facts here…I’m a genius.
– Alex does handstands. He’s also…flamboyant. The less said about his audition, the better. Alex: “I don’t have enough monies to pay singing teacher.” Randy suggests he work in the theme park.
– Lesson Seis – Clarity
– They show us people apparently singing covers, but it’s hard to tell what song their are singing.
– Lakisha calls her voice a “gift.” She does a good job of Aretha. Sweet.
– Montage of great moments from the auditions.
– Some tidbits: Paula spits her gum on See-moan. See-moan calls her a “disgusting pig.” More bad dancing. Crap, more Big Bird. A woman pretends to have a seizure. Paula and Randy almost make out.
– My FAVORITE moment of the auditions!!!! Sarah Goldberg: “I’m unique! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
– Seacrest doing the cheerleader pyramid. A grandma yells at See-moan. Some people are good. Some are not so good.
– 172 people went through to Hollywood. We’ll start weeding the group down to 24!
Thanks for reading! As always, do your friends a favor and send them the link!