And we wrap-up auditions tonight in San Antonio! What a ride it’s been through this tour. The episode recaps will definitely continue throughout the season.
Thank you for making these recaps part of your viewing experience!
– I think people started camping out in 1836 to line up for the show.
– Here’s my question…why do people go to auditions further away from their home? A women drove from South Carolina. Well, they were in Birmingham, which is closer! People…
– They have everyone sing “Rawhide” in unison. Kind of disturbing, don’t you think?
– See-moan is jet-lagged, meaning this should be an amazing show tonight!
– Bryan botches a saying about putting your pants on one leg at a time. I chuckle. Apparently, his teachers loved him or hated him. Anyone taking bets on what See-moan will think?? Anyone??
– What he lacks in vocal skill, he makes up for in energy, that’s for sure. He butchered “Rebel Yell.” And then sings a love song to Seacrest.
– Hayley is hot. And she’s been singing since was 15. And she’s wearing a skanky 1970s outfit. She admits she got it at a “hoochie-store.”
– Keep this girl on my screen for a long, long time! Hayley does the best version of a Bonnie Raitt song I’ve ever heard, including versions by Bonnie Raitt. Not really unique enough for the judges, but she gets through.
– Jasmine has no confidence…she’s very shy. She actually has a flash or two. You can tell she has some talent, but nerves took ahold of her and the performance was terrible. She then lashes out at Randy. Uncool. I don’t get it. She comes in looking and acting like someone shot her puppy, sucks, and is mad at the judges, who were VERY tame in their critique of her. For the record, Jasmine, here is a bio on the king of the Dawg Pound (Idol version, not Cleveland version).
– In a hilarious fit of xenophobia, Jasmine’s mom asks if See-moan is French. Seacrest: “No, he’s British.” Jasmine’s mom: “Well, he should go back to British and judge British people then.” Don’t that make you proud to be Amuurrrikin?
– Baylie is 16 year old jailbait. She’s a city girl stuck in the country. She’s scared of horses and loves fashion magazines. She’s got a nice set of…pipes. Get your mind out of the gutter…she’s 16! See-moan says she was born to be a pop star and “a record label’s dream.” She looks like she’s had a nosejob already.
– Fluff piece of the evening is on people who have had trouble exiting through the double doors after auditioning.
– William cracks up the judges with his…ummm…rendition of “Amazing Grace.” Why did it make ME feel like a wretch that needed to be saved by making him stop??
– Ha! He fakes being mad at the judges to guarantee he gets on TV!!! And he tellsthe judges this BEFORE he leaves the room. That was a pleasant surprise.
– Time for Cousin #2. Akron rocks some Sam Cooke. Not much charisma, says See-moan. To push See-moan over the hump, Akron starts “Let’s Get It On.” And goes through to Hollywood.
– In honor of “Remembering the Alamo,” we see some very forgettable people.
– See-moan: “What normally happens when you sing in public?” (BTW, that is fast becoming one of my favorite See-moanisms.) Deborah: “I’ve had a few people cry.” See-moan: “I can believe that.”
– Next contestant has some good experience, even sang for the mayor. Sandie sadly murders “Black Velvet,” one of the most underrated songs ever. She does the annoying “hold one ear while you sing like you are wearing headphones” move. Guh. Her version is unrecognizeable. See-moan: “It was literally like some language I’ve never heard in my life.” Once again, great minds thinking alike.
– Now, let’s her Alannah Myles’ version! (I promise this won’t turn into the Rick Astley affair…well…it might.)
– Oh, no…Sandie breaks down in front of the judges. Paula gives Sandie career advice. Basically, teachers teach, singers sing, and you are a teacher.
– Ashlyn was beaten up by another girl because she had a nice voice. I liked it more than the judges did, but not much more. Judges tell her to get a vocal coach and watch her performances in the mirror. See-moan wished she went through…so they bring her back in! Wait. What?
– They’ve given her another chance. See-moan can make anything happen! This has never happened before, apparently. She reigns in the facial stuff a bit. She goes through, but with instructions from the judges to break her bad habits. Cool.
– Oh god, Jake the Snake is here. His grandmother was in the entertainment industry. Out of respect to the elderly, I’ll refrain from making any of the 247 jokes currently running through my head right now.
– Jake lists Cobain and Axl as his inspirations.
– Since he mentioned GNR, and before he sings, here’s a classic 1991 performance of “Paradise City” at the Freddie Mercury Tribute:
– Jake has neither the look nor the talent for the competition. After trashing the judges, Seacrest fishes for a compliment and gets it. He has been much more likeable as a smarmy host this season. Aren’t you glad I played GNR for you now?
– Ha! Seacrest remembers the See-moan is from “British!” Didn’t I just say he’s been more likeable this season??
– Jimmy does an entertaining version of “Cupid.” And we end auditions on a high note!
– We’re back tomorrow for more auditions…huh? Ohhh…it’s a clip show of good and bad. This should be comic gold!
Until then, spread the word! Thanks for reading!
Oh…and…since I can: HAPPY 41ST BIRTHDAY TO BLOG HERO RICK ASTLEY!