Is this the last audition show? I hope so. As entertaining as they are, I’m ready to see some of the people with talent!
– We’re in Los Angeles, where one of the greatest movies of all time takes place. Don’t fight me on this one. I’ll defend Lebowski all night long.
– I was never a big McPhee fan. Beautiful woman? Hell yeah. Good voice? Sure. The spark? Didn’t have it.
– Is it just me, or does Tupac’s “California Love” sound slightly out-of-place on American Idol?
– Random Blonde: “Take me to Hollywood, even though I’m already from there!” Sigh…
– Seacrest has a star on the Walk of Fame? Didn’t know that…
– Seacrest calls “Physical” a “pop sensation.” Riiiight. Here’s an actual screen cap from the video:
Pop Sensation? Or bad New Wave video? You decide.
– We begin the evening with Martik or X-entric. Either way, he looks like Kevin Federline in prison. Blog Friend Andrea: omg my new boyfriend She’s classy.
– Apparently, when he was 14 or 15, he was a kitty-kat, now he’s Panthro! Either way, he’s disturbing. He didn’t create this persona…it’s him. KEEP IT REAL, BRUTHA! Oh, and just in case you didn’t know, he’s the most exciting entertainer on the planet Earth. Unlike this guy, who was the first space-entertainer I ever saw.
– Can our feline buddy be as entertaining as an Alien who eats cats? He strips and acts very weird. Then dances. Then sucks. See-moan: “The meowing was ridiculous.”
– XXEntrick then predicts a music career as big as Michael Jackson’s. His book is brilliant. Blog Friend Andrea’s advice to men: practice your crawling and growling and you too can win my heart.
– HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! A guy tries out singing “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” and wearing a banana costume. I MUST show you the CLASSIC original:
-Odd moment. Marianna’s mother: “When she came out of my womb…” I’ll stop there because, really, what more do you need to know about that sentance?
– OH! Her mom was one of Dean Martin’s Golddiggers. Dean Martin = Kanye West, you see? But semi-famous or not, the womb-chat has got to go.
– Marianna performs “Should I Stay or Should I Go,” which, strangely, came up on my ipod at the gym tonight. See-moan: “We know the answer to that.” Apparently, she left her talent in utero. She begs for a second chance. This after See-moan says she sounded like Cher after a dentist appointment. Creative diss.
– Oh, lord…the Golddigger comes to fight for her daughter. See-moan: “Mom was foxy.”
– People from Los Angeles beg. Olivia goes cross-eyed.
– Alaina is a struggling performer in LA who gave up the business for school. But is giving up an education for American Idol. See, she’s afraid of going to school. She never learned to read? See-moan agrees with me and liked her.
– Irony: She moved to Hollywood 6 years ago to struggle. She quit the business. Tried out for American Idol. After a great audition, she goes to…Hollywood.
– A petite Asian-American woman, Phuong, with a husky voice has joined the Soul Patrol. Fact: I named a fantasy baseball team “Soul Patrol” last season. I used Judeo Heat and The Chalupas a few years ago. I needed SOMETHING fresh!
– Her mother said she isn’s “TV pretty.” Ouch. She is distracted by Taylor’s face. On a poster. See-moan intentionally misprounces her name. Because he can. Obviously, she stinks like moldy cheese. She’s so bad, she apologizes! As she leaves, they play Taylor’s “Do I Make You Proud.”
– Another back-up singer tries-out. He want’s to justify his career by winning the title. Brandon, as a professional singer should be, is very impressive. He’s probably the most polished male singer they’ve should us so far this season. The women melt. See-moan calls him the best they’ve seen and says he could make the finals.
– Sherman is a senior citizen. The cut-off is 28 years old. With 330 signatures, he has petitioned for an audition.
– Wonderful, Brian, a reject from last season’s Hollywood week returns. He’s good, which is why he made it through last season. And why he’s making through again. See-moan: “Hooray.”
– Sherman’s ladyfriend was ill and the two of them worked on this petition together, which brightened her days in the cancer ward. She passed away two days before the audition. The judges let him sing, in quite possibly, the sweetest moment in the show’s history.
– Two contestants are trying out. They are dating. And Seacrest catches them making out in the hallway.
– Sparkles is up first. Because she glows. Well, her voice does stand-out. For all the wrong reasons. She has a crush on See-moan. And See-moan is uncomfortable.
– Darold also has zero musical talent. Well, at least they can be terrible performers together forever. Speaking of which, here’s Rick Astley’s “Together Forever,” because I need to hear something decent right now and cheesy Rick Astley is good enough.
– Eric has been preparing for this audition for TWO YEARS. He claims to have cut off his social life. Let’s be honest. If you’re spending two years preparing to audition for a TV show, you probably didn’t have much of a social life to begin with.
– Seriously, I think Eric might be a serial killer.
– I’ve made up my mind. If I see him on the street, I’m running in the other direction. He sang a Hilary Duff song. Nuff said.
– HOLD UP!!! See-moan sees that Eric had taught himself to sing using Randy and Paula’s DVD. Oh man, this is so good.
– One more audition stop–San Antonio…then we get talented folk!
As always, thanks for reading, and please share the lofe!