Thanks to everyone for reading these recaps and passing them along to your friends. I really appreciate it. Remember, the links are added fun (and help explain some of the jokes), while Simon is now officially See-moan after the hottie from Audition Show #1 called him that. Caught up? Let’s roll!
– Nobody sure how many people there were at the audition. I think…INFINITY!
Gotta love Square One.
– Some songwriter I’ve never heard of is with them. She’s written for everyone. Good stuff. Rock on, Phil Collins! OH! She’s Burt Bacharach’s ex-wife. Works for me.
– Ian is here. And he’s…obnoxious. Ohhh…I fooled you! He claims to be a singer and a superstar. Just ask one of his therapists. See-moan: “You’re not good at anything.” Amen, brother. Ian: “Do you have a working visa to be here?” His tirade is hilarious. No…it’s fabulous.
– Ohhh…scandal! Sarah lied to her parents about trying out. Way to confess that to the cameras in a tearful soliloquy, making sure you’ll be on the audition show and your parents will know either way. Apparently, if she wins, her Daddy will be proud of her. She needs a hug. And then she cries to the judges about it.
– Wait. She’s not too bad. Not “winner” good, but maybe I will call her anytime 🙂 See-moan says as much, but admires her gumption. They put her through and she breaks down for the fourth time in 2 minutes of TV time.
– Seacrest helps Sarah call home. Her dad doesn’t know it’s her. That’s the problem. Seacrest comforts Sarah while talking to her father. Sweet.
– It’s “My Big Fat American Idol Tryouy” with Fania. I think she’s from Meepos!
– Ashanti’s here! Not that one. She’s gone to Hollywood twice on the show, never made it further, yet still doesn’t get the hint. Not-Ashanti outlines her diet. The protein hasn’t helped her voice all that much. Apprently, See-moan doesn’t understand how hard she’s worked. She thinks she deserves to go through for a THIRD time because she struggled with her weight. Ummm…no.
– Amanda and Antonella. Best Friends. Hot. So hot. We get bikini shots. And grinding shots.
– Randy: “Grab her.” The other judges laugh at him as he instructs Amanda to fetch Antonella. I see nothing wrong with that. Let a playa play!
– Amanda get’s through because See-moan is indifferent. I’m not making this up.
– Antonella is more my type 🙂 See-moan agrees with me. Again, great minds, people…great minds.
– Average Joe plays the harmonica. And pretends to be that guy from Police Academy!!
– Definition of Irony: Avg. Joe walks into the room as a “King of the Hill” chyron runs across the bottom of the screen.
– Avg. Joe’s voice goes to 11. No links. You’ll have to figure that one out by yoursellf.
– A SPACEMEAN walks in. Alright.
– Another contestant performing Aretha. She’s good enough to make it through!
– See-moan got drunk overnight or something like that. So we are sans-See-moan to begin Day 2. Randy’s gotta deliver for me here.
– First up is Jenry who’s got a great R&B voice. Welcome to Hollywood. Paula gets too excited. Yo…he’s SIXTEEN. Ease up, killer.
– Nakia is a bundle of energy. She’s fun and has some pipes! But fun doesn’t cut it in this game. Sorry, honey. Honestly, this is heartbreaking.
– Sarah Goldberg represents my people. I think she knows how terrible she is. We’re CRAFTY! Wait–she just admited she’s messing with everyone! I LOVE HER!!!! Sarah: “Listen to me, I’m not a singer.”
– Hold up. This girl is CRAZY! She thinks they can mold her into the next American Idol. Hmmm…not unheard of in Jewish culture! Sarah: “Paris Hilton can’t sing.” Randy: “She’s not an American Idol…this is a singing competition!” Sarah: “I’m unique. WOOOOOOOOO.” Melodramatic Jewish Woman. Story of my life!
– Sarah gives the security guard a shoutout. Shout is the key word here.
– See-moan hit the hair of the dog and makes it to work!
– Antonio is middle-aged and crazy! He’s rockin’ Sinatra in style and voice. Except he doesn’t really know English.
– Another one of us! A Canadian-Californian Jew! Jory Steinberg: “If I can hang with the Queen of England, I can definitely kick it with See-moan Cowell.” KEEP HER ON MY SCREEN ALL SEASON LONG! She can be the mother of my children! See-moan: Why can’t they all be like that?” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: great minds.
– We’ve got a Rocky wannabe (two Apollo Creeds and now a Rocky? If someone comes dressed like Adrienne, I quit). She knows Rocky was from Philly, right? She lost 15-20 pounds. How does that help your voice? She also amazingly claims that it takes a New Yorker to deal with the American Idol lifestyle. Umm…history says otherwise, kiddo. But her body is ROCKIN.
– Oh, one thing. Her voice isn’t as good as her body. The judges like her. We don’t have
to agree on every choice. Group hug minus See-moan. Grouch.
– People in New York have strange names. Right.
– Chris looks like Mini-See-moan. SEND IN THE CLONE! He oddly sings a Kelly Clarkson song. It takes a real man to rock the falsetto. See-moan: “The reality is you should be singing in a dress and stillettos.” Randy asks him to sing Barry White. HAHAHAHAHA! Paula and See-moan have their first fight of the season.
– Punky Brewster is back! She might lose her opera scholership by skipping class to be there. She has a dreamcatcher in her hair. And she’s going to Hollywood. Being a bad winner, she disses the South, presumably for being the part of the country where the previous winners were born. Right.
– There is a party in the holding room. Seacrest gets his boogie on, leading into a montage of “All Night Long” auditions.
– Pause. Was that a dude dressed like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? To each their own, I guess…
– And pause, again. A dude that looks exactly like Ugly Betty. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH NEW YORK TONIGHT???
– Blog friend Julia has a thing for Chris Richardson. She wanted me to tell you that. Not a bad singer. Paula calls him “special.”
– Randy compares singing to marinating. He’s the professional and I’m the blogger, so I’ll defer to him.
– On an aside, has anyone ever watched an episode of “Bones?” Really? Anyone? David Boreanaz went to the best college in America, but I’ve never actually heard of anyone who watches this show.
– Besides the abundant cross-dressers, New York has had a bunch of terrible contestants.
– Nick quit in Hollywood last year, but came back. He forgot the words to a GREAT song:
– Nick still has a decent enough voice. And Paula goes buckwild again. (Oh man…that’s TWO “Flavor of Love” references in two nights. You love it.)
– Isadora will be the last performer tonight. Ah…she’s a palm reader. Compares herself to some musical legends. I THINK she’s attempting to sing “Lady Marmalade” but she seems to have forgotten how to breathe. And sing. But I get the impression that she never really knew how to sing at all.
– See-moan: “What normally happens when you sing in public?”
– And we end on an odd note. 35 people made it through.
– Next week, Alabama!!!
Thanks for reading and spread the love!