American Idol – Audition Show #4

Just on a one hour delay tonight. Thanks to Bally’s and Comcast (my gym and my Digital Video Recording service).

Thanks to everyone for reading these recaps and passing them along to your friends. I really appreciate it. Remember, the links are added fun (and help explain some of the jokes), while Simon is now officially See-moan after the hottie from Audition Show #1 called him that. Caught up? Let’s roll!

– We’ve got a 2-hour doozy in New York City, which apparently has never produced a winner. They did once, produce a stinker, but blamed it on New Jersey, natch.

– A Punky Brewster lookalike says NY will actually produce the winner this year. I don’t care about that. I do, however, care about how hot Punky Brewster got when she grew up! Great googily moogily!

– Nobody sure how many people there were at the audition. I think…INFINITY!

Gotta love Square One.

– Some songwriter I’ve never heard of is with them. She’s written for everyone. Good stuff. Rock on, Phil Collins! OH! She’s Burt Bacharach’s ex-wife. Works for me.

– Ian is here. And he’s…obnoxious. Ohhh…I fooled you! He claims to be a singer and a superstar. Just ask one of his therapists. See-moan: “You’re not good at anything.” Amen, brother. Ian: “Do you have a working visa to be here?” His tirade is hilarious. No…it’s fabulous.

– Ohhh…scandal! Sarah lied to her parents about trying out. Way to confess that to the cameras in a tearful soliloquy, making sure you’ll be on the audition show and your parents will know either way. Apparently, if she wins, her Daddy will be proud of her. She needs a hug. And then she cries to the judges about it.

– Wait. She’s not too bad. Not “winner” good, but maybe I will call her anytime 🙂 See-moan says as much, but admires her gumption. They put her through and she breaks down for the fourth time in 2 minutes of TV time.

– Seacrest helps Sarah call home. Her dad doesn’t know it’s her. That’s the problem. Seacrest comforts Sarah while talking to her father. Sweet.

– It’s “My Big Fat American Idol Tryouy” with Fania. I think she’s from Meepos!

Ashanti’s here! Not that one. She’s gone to Hollywood twice on the show, never made it further, yet still doesn’t get the hint. Not-Ashanti outlines her diet. The protein hasn’t helped her voice all that much. Apprently, See-moan doesn’t understand how hard she’s worked. She thinks she deserves to go through for a THIRD time because she struggled with her weight. Ummm…no.

– Amanda and Antonella. Best Friends. Hot. So hot. We get bikini shots. And grinding shots.

– Randy: “Grab her.” The other judges laugh at him as he instructs Amanda to fetch Antonella. I see nothing wrong with that. Let a playa play!

– See-moan calls their duet a mess. Two girls at once can be…

– Amanda get’s through because See-moan is indifferent. I’m not making this up.

– Antonella is more my type 🙂 See-moan agrees with me. Again, great minds, people…great minds.

– Average Joe plays the harmonica. And pretends to be that guy from Police Academy!!

– Definition of Irony: Avg. Joe walks into the room as a “King of the Hill” chyron runs across the bottom of the screen.

– Avg. Joe’s voice goes to 11. No links. You’ll have to figure that one out by yoursellf.

– A SPACEMEAN walks in. Alright.

– Another contestant performing Aretha. She’s good enough to make it through!

– See-moan got drunk overnight or something like that. So we are sans-See-moan to begin Day 2. Randy’s gotta deliver for me here.

– First up is Jenry who’s got a great R&B voice. Welcome to Hollywood. Paula gets too excited. Yo…he’s SIXTEEN. Ease up, killer.

– Nakia is a bundle of energy. She’s fun and has some pipes! But fun doesn’t cut it in this game. Sorry, honey. Honestly, this is heartbreaking.

– Sarah Goldberg represents my people. I think she knows how terrible she is. We’re CRAFTY! Wait–she just admited she’s messing with everyone! I LOVE HER!!!! Sarah: “Listen to me, I’m not a singer.”

– Hold up. This girl is CRAZY! She thinks they can mold her into the next American Idol. Hmmm…not unheard of in Jewish culture! Sarah: “Paris Hilton can’t sing.” Randy: “She’s not an American Idol…this is a singing competition!” Sarah: “I’m unique. WOOOOOOOOO.” Melodramatic Jewish Woman. Story of my life!

– Sarah gives the security guard a shoutout. Shout is the key word here.

– See-moan hit the hair of the dog and makes it to work!

– Antonio is middle-aged and crazy! He’s rockin’ Sinatra in style and voice. Except he doesn’t really know English.

– Another one of us! A Canadian-Californian Jew! Jory Steinberg: “If I can hang with the Queen of England, I can definitely kick it with See-moan Cowell.” KEEP HER ON MY SCREEN ALL SEASON LONG! She can be the mother of my children! See-moan: Why can’t they all be like that?” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: great minds.

– We’ve got a Rocky wannabe (two Apollo Creeds and now a Rocky? If someone comes dressed like Adrienne, I quit). She knows Rocky was from Philly, right? She lost 15-20 pounds. How does that help your voice? She also amazingly claims that it takes a New Yorker to deal with the American Idol lifestyle. Umm…history says otherwise, kiddo. But her body is ROCKIN.

– Oh, one thing. Her voice isn’t as good as her body. The judges like her. We don’t have
to agree on every choice. Group hug minus See-moan. Grouch.

– People in New York have strange names. Right.

– Chris looks like Mini-See-moan. SEND IN THE CLONE! He oddly sings a Kelly Clarkson song. It takes a real man to rock the falsetto. See-moan: “The reality is you should be singing in a dress and stillettos.” Randy asks him to sing Barry White. HAHAHAHAHA! Paula and See-moan have their first fight of the season.

– Punky Brewster is back! She might lose her opera scholership by skipping class to be there. She has a dreamcatcher in her hair. And she’s going to Hollywood. Being a bad winner, she disses the South, presumably for being the part of the country where the previous winners were born. Right.

– There is a party in the holding room. Seacrest gets his boogie on, leading into a montage of “All Night Long” auditions.

– Pause. Was that a dude dressed like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz? To each their own, I guess…

– And pause, again. A dude that looks exactly like Ugly Betty. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH NEW YORK TONIGHT???

– Blog friend Julia has a thing for Chris Richardson. She wanted me to tell you that. Not a bad singer. Paula calls him “special.”

– Randy compares singing to marinating. He’s the professional and I’m the blogger, so I’ll defer to him.

– On an aside, has anyone ever watched an episode of “Bones?”  Really?  Anyone?  David Boreanaz went to the best college in America, but I’ve never actually heard of anyone who watches this show.

– Besides the abundant cross-dressers, New York has had a bunch of terrible contestants.

– Nick quit in Hollywood last year, but came back.  He forgot the words to a GREAT song:

– Nick still has a decent enough voice.  And Paula goes buckwild again.  (Oh man…that’s TWO “Flavor of Love” references in two nights.  You love it.)

– Isadora will be the last performer tonight.  Ah…she’s a palm reader.  Compares herself to some musical legends.  I THINK she’s attempting to sing “Lady Marmalade” but she seems to have forgotten how to breathe.  And sing. But I get the impression that she never really knew how to sing at all.

– See-moan: “What normally happens when you sing in public?”

– Apparently, she performed with George Clinton.  Wait…THIS George Clinton!  Remind me to tell you about the time I hung out with him on his tour bus!  100% true story.

– And we end on an odd note.  35 people made it through.

– Next week, Alabama!!!

Thanks for reading and spread the love!

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One response to “American Idol – Audition Show #4

  1. ok, again you leave out my favorite quotations! i love how someone can say INTERPRETATING and yet sing well and go through… well, i guess it’s not grammar idol 😛 i’d like to point out that i had the SAME reaction to paula’s drooling over henry… calm down, killer – we all know i go for the younger men these days, but even i won’t ogle a 16 year old (who, btw, i think looks VERY similar to tyson beckford… agree – yes? no?) and speaking of similarities… carol bayer sager couldn’t look MORE like joan collins if she tried – creeeepily similar

    WOW – i wrote a LOT 😛 btw, not ALL people from NY have weird names… i have the most generic name ever, mr. (and can we make a tangent for a seconde & discuss how the punky brewster girl needs to get the hot pink lipstick off & pluck her eyebrows?? scary!)

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